The Breaking of the Dam
by Mikin Ishida
Summary: Roger is gone and Mark is left broken. MarkCollins frienship. Eventual Mark and Roger friendship. Now continued!
1. The Breaking of the Dam

_**Author Notes: I really don't know where I'm going with this. I was sad and bummed when I wrote it so I made Mark all sad and bummed. XD**_

**If you think I should continue this...let me know and I just might. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. This belongs to the wonderful Johnathan Larson! **

_ The Breaking of the Dam _

_It wasn't my fault was it? _

_No….of course it was. _

_Everything is my fault. _

Mark felt numb, his head felt tight , as if someone had grabbed his brain and was squeezing it. His nose was stuffed up, his eyes burned with tears, but he refused to let them fall, biting his lip until it bled. He tossed and turned in bed, tightening his muscles until he could feel them no more. His head began to split in pain as he rolled around his bed, trying to will the pain away. But it didn't go away, it ate away at his heart until it forced his body to break the walls it surrounded itself with, leaving him on the edge. He swallowed his sobs, willing them down, refusing to make a sound, the occasional sniffle slipping out every now and then. He curled himself into a tight ball, ignoring his surrounding, wishing he would just disappear. Finally his body gave out and he just lay, exhausted and eyes still brimming with tears, not a single one has fallen.

_Stop…stop being so pathetic. _

_Stop it please! _

_I don't want to feel like this anymore. _

_I'm sorry…._

_Roger come back . _

But Roger isn't coming back is he? He's gone…off to Santa Fe. Living his life, while Mark lays in bed, trying not to let the disappointment in himself spill over and drown him. Fed up with himself, he flips over to his stomach, burying his face into his pillow, shaking, his head pounding, his nose still running, his body burning.

_No tears _

_How did I get here? _

His body was tense, the world around him seemed to disappear as he became engulfed in his mind. The man who was once the observer, the one who shied away from his feelings was now forced to face them. He curled himself into the tightest ball his strength could muster.

_Gone gone, everyone is gone. My worst fear. Coming to New York with a family and now I'm here alone. _

_  
I don't want this…._

As if some kind of prayer was answered, up the stairs of the loft came Collins. A week since his beloved Angels death, but he still had the heart to come check on his favorite filmmaker, whom he knew was having a hard time since their resident rocker took off.

"Mark you here?" he called out as he slid the loft door open.

"Mark?" Silence had filled the Ave B loft, only the sound of the anarchists footsteps could be heard.

"Mark man get your ass out here!"

…..

Sighing, he figured the blond was asleep, so he ventured over to the mans room. Not feeling as lively as normal, he gently pushed open his friends door, and stepped in. It was dark, but Collins could immediately feel that something was wrong. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could make out the small, shivering form of Mark.

"Shit Mark…"

He stumbled on some boxes and clothes, but he managed to step over to the smaller mans bed. He kneeled down and place his large hand on Mark's shoulder. He was cold, but sweating. Possibly from a fever , he wasn't sure yet. But he did know that something was terribly wrong.

"Mark…buddy you ok?" He shook him a bit.

"Mark?"

A moan escaped the mans lips, the feeling slowly coming back to his body, his eyes slowly sliding open.

_So dark….where am I?_

"Mark?"

_Oh….wait Collins? _

"Collins?" he mumbled.

"Hey there you are." he heard the older man say.

Mark moaned, rolling over onto his back, squinting his eyes at the light coming from his open doorway. He glanced up at Collins who was staring worriedly down at him.

"Mark are you ok? You're not looking so good…"

"Fine." Mark choked out. His throat was tight, causing his voice to come out as barley a whisper.

Collins didn't respond, instead he placed his hand on Mark's forehead, letting the burning sensation warm his cold hand.

"Damn it boy you're burning up."

"No I'm not…" Mark mumbled, trying to escape Collins grasp., but couldn't seeing as the anarchist was much stronger than he was.

"C'mere." he said, easily picking up the smaller boy up in his arms. Mark seemed to shrink in his arms. Looking down at him he looked so thin and young, his pale skin a definite contrast against his dark skin. His body was tense, as if Mark was trying to fake not being as weak as he was.

"Don't bullshit yourself Mark. You're not well. Now kindly cooperate so I can take care of you." Mark sighed, giving up slightly, letting his boy relax in Collin's arms. The taller man carried him to the couch and laid him down. Mark's head lolled to the side, exhausted. He curled up into the familiar dents of their old couch, breathing in it's familiar scent. Remembering…him.

_Roger…._

Cold. Mark was cold. Freezing in fact. And it began to show as he was curled up on the couch shivering. Moments later, Collins came with some blankets he'd gathered from around the loft.

"Now just sit still for a while and relax. I'm gonna make you some tea to warm you up, and then I'm gonna call Maureen over here to keep an eye on you while I go get some groceries…"

"Collins." Marks weak voice cut him off.

"What?"

"It's ok. I'm fine. Just…I'm alright. You don't have to do this for me."

"Mark stop. I know Roger leaving hasn't been easy for you …"

"Things haven't been easy for you Col'. "

"This isn't about me."

"But."

"Shh." he said., covering the blonds mouth. "Man, can't you just chill out and let people worry about you for once? I know….it's hard loosing someone you love Mark. But you have to deal with it sometime. I'm dealing with it. I'll be ok. And I know Angel would want me to take care of you right now."

Mark sighed, knowing there was no arguing with him now. He nodded.

"Don't leave though…please just stay here for a while."

Collins grinned. "I won't argue with that." he said and sat down next to the younger boy, who was now sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest.

After a few moments of silence, Mark spoke.

"He'll…come back right?"

Collins glanced over to him, seeing the filmmakers blue eyes on the verge of tears. He was shaking, this wasn't the Mark he was used to. Instead he was staring at the side of Mark he knew was always buried deep inside, kept hidden away for no one but himself to see, and even then it was rare that he came out. But now, here he was, out, open and exposed, and shaking like a small child. This was why Mark hid behind his camera. Because he didn't want anyone to see this small frightened side of him. The side that clung to his best friend and who couldn't believe he'd run off like he did.

"Oh Mark…of course he will. You know Roger just needs to clear his head. Once he realizes what an idiot he's being he'll come back."

"I drove him away didn't I? I'm such a bad friend I couldn't keep him here…"

"Mark…"

Over-flowing emotion. Now he was unable to keep it together. Years of built up walls were crumbling in front of the first person who offered comfort during the absence of his best friend. He felt himself slip, as the tears he'd had built up in his eyes, began to slide down his pale face.

"I'm sorry Roger." he choked out, before the tears took over, and his body began to shake as he sobbed. Collins knew no words could comfort him, instead he pulled the smaller boy into his lap and held him. He let him sob, his shoulders shaking as he let go of everything he'd built up. It was only a matter of time before the dam broke. Mark cried, his hands clutching Collins' shirt. The older man sighed, inwardly cursing Roger for doing this to his best friend.

"It's ok shhh." He kissed the top of the blonds head and rubbing his back. After a few minutes his sobs died down to a few sniffles. Even then, Mark seemed content in Collins' arms, and Collins made no move to remove Mark. The rest of the night was spent there on the lofts old couch. Collins with an incomplete Mark in his arms. He knew that the only way Mark would ever be complete again is if his other half came back.

_Roger you better get your ass back here soon…. _

**_A.N: So...continue? I don't know. Let me know! Review!!_**


	2. Exhaustion and Sickness

**_Author Notes: Wow I can't believe the response I got for this! Well, I'm answering and continuing!! I hope you enjoy! _**

The Breaking of the Dam

Chapter Two: Exhaustion and Sickness

Morning came too fast for Mark. After what seemed like an eternity of tears, he finally fell asleep in Collin's arms. For the first time in months, Mark slept through the entire night, but despite his sleep, he awoke the next morning feeling more tired than ever.

"I'm exhausted." he stated from the couch.

"Then rest." said Collins from his seat in the kitchen.

"I can't….I've gotta go to work….fuckin' Buzzline…"

"Call in."

"But…"

"Mark…."

"Fine. I've got stuff I can do here anyway…"

"Like?"

"I dunno."

"Exactly." Collins smiled, satisfied.

Mark rolled his eyes as he rose from the couch and made his way to the phone. He called Alexi and explained to her he wasn't feeling well and felt he should stay home. Alexi reluctantly let him have the day off.

"Good boy."

"Oh shut up…I guess I do need a day to…rest."

"Everyone does."

Mark nodded in agreement. He sighed and plunked down on the couch.

"Listen Collins…about last night….I…don't think I could of…just….thank you." He was stuttering, nervous about thanking his friend for the comfort.

"It's nothing man." Collins said, standing up and walking over to the blonde. He sat down next to him and pulled him into a half-hug.

"Everyone needs someone to hold them Mark. Even you. It's ok to cry every now and then." Mark said nothing, instead he stood and headed to his room.

"Think I'm gonna lie down for a while…"

"Go ahead. I'll be here."

Mark nodded and disappeared into his room.

Collins smiled, glad that Mark was finally getting some rest, but also concerned for Mark's health. He knew he and Roger had had a fall out upon Roger's leaving, and since then he's never been the same. He'd been quiet and shut up in the loft, leaving only to go to work and then coming home and working some more. He'd never seen Mark work so hard in his life but at the same time he knew Mark was working "too hard". He was driving himself over an edge he shouldn't even be near. From the couch he could hear Mark coughing in his room. He half sighed and stood up, striding over to Mark's room and pushed the door open slightly.

"You ok?" he asked, but received no reply. He glanced down and saw that Mark was fast asleep and sweating. He bent down and brought his hand to Mark's pale face; a fever. He sighed.

"Guess you do need someone to look after you for a while…" he mumbled. He walked back out to the living room and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey girly. How are you?"

"Collins!" Maureen, Alphabet City's favorite drama queen exclaimed. "Baby are you doing ok?" she asked, genuinely concerned, knowing that Angel's death was still fresh in everyone's mind.

"I'm all right but that's not why I'm calling." he replied, smiling at Maureen's concern.

"Ok what's up?"

"I need you to do me a huge favor, I'm up at the loft and Mark's kinda sick so I need someone to go out and get me some medicine for him…"

"My Marky is sick!"

"Calm down, he just has a fever."

"How did he get sick? I know he and Roger fought and all…"

"I don't know. But I'm here and I need something for his fever." he didn't want Mark to be fully exposed so he gave Maureen as little detail as possible.

"Oh sure, Joanne and I have some fever reducers around here somewhere….I'll bring them over now!"

"Thanks Reeny!"

"Anytime honey. I'll be over soon."

He sighed, relieved a bit. He glanced about the loft, noting the scattered mess of film strips that covered the kitchen table, Mark's projector that he'd been using and the general mess that had taken over the loft. Yet Collins couldn't help but note the emptiness that had also taken over. He remembered when there used to be six people living in this loft. Back in the days when Roger was with April and Mark was with Maureen, and before Benny sold out. The six of them lived happily here and then almost two years ago it all went down hill. April and Roger were addicted to heroine, they were never careful and eventually they contracted HIV. That was too much for April and she slit her wrists in the bathroom. After that Benny left and married his girlfriend Allison. Maureen had been cheating on Mark, and he knew it, but ignored it, and eventually she dumped him for Joanne. Which left Roger, Mark and Collins and at that time the big problem was Roger. Grieving over April's death only worsened his addiction until finally Mark stepped in. Both had enough of the drugs, and it came down to where Roger was getting physically out of hand. Every time he got mad he'd yell and scream and eventually hit something or someone. Unfortunately that someone was usually Mark. Finally Mark got Roger to quit, then endured months of withdrawals and relapses. During those months Collins, was offered a teaching job and MIT, and after a lot of convincing from Mark, he took it. He felt horrible leaving them, knowing Roger was still withdrawing and that Mark would probably suffer just as much. Months later, that Christmas he returned, the loft that once held six now only held two. Roger was clean and Mark was alright. Or so Collins thought upon seeing him when he returned. Things just seemed so bright when he came back, he'd found Angel and Roger had met Mimi. Maureen was with Joanne; it seemed their family was back together. Maybe that blinded him. Now, almost a year later he wasn't so sure Mark was as alright as he seemed. It took a lot to push Mark over the edge, and somehow, Collins believed this was the first time since Roger's withdrawal that's he's really been as broken as he is now.

_Almost two years…. _

This wasn't fair to Mark. Collins knew that much. Roger was selfish to leave now and Collins wasn't so sure he'd be able to put this family back together again.

The phone rang.

"Speeeak!" Beep.

"Collins! It's me!!"

_Maureen…._

He stepped out onto the fire escape and tossed the key down.

"Come on up girly!" he shouted playfully.

Minutes later, Maureen waltzed in, a bottle of pills in hand.

"Yay pills." Collins said sarcastically.

Maureen giggled.

"I know I know, one more bottle to add to the collection. Least these kind of pills are temporary."

"True true."

"Oh my god look at this place. Did Mark explode or something?" she exclaimed, seeing all the film equipment.

"You would think."

"Is he ok?" she asked.

"He'll be fine. Just a fever."

"Good. I hope so. Look I'm supposed to meet Joanne for lunch, do you want to come?"

"Tempting offer but no, I don't want to leave him alone." he replied, motioning to Mark's room.

Maureen nodded, understanding.

"Well I know there's no food here so we'll bring something back. I know Mark probably hasn't eaten."

Collins nodded, agreeing, wondering when the last time Mark had eaten was.

"I appreciate it Reeny." she smiled and hugged him.

"I'll be back soon."

And she left. Collins took out two pills from the bottle Maureen had given him and grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Mark wake up for a minute." he said upon entering the blondes room. Silence. He put the pills and the water down on Mark's dresser and sat down on the bed.

"Come on boy, up and at em'." He shook him a bit, Mark moaned and rolled over.

"What?" he mumbled.

"You have a fever, I have some pills for you to take. Just wake up for a minute and take them." Mark nodded and sat up, coughing a bit as he did.

"You ok?" Collins asked.

"Just dizzy." he whispered.

Collins nodded and took the pills and handed them to him, as well as the water. Mark downed the pills, and drank about half of the water. He gave a small smile at Collins as he handed him the water back.

"Thanks." he said.

"Sure. Do you need anything else?"

"No…I'm fi.." he was cut off but a burst of coughs that took over his whole body. He shook more and more with each cough.

"Mark…" Collins reached out, rubbing his friends back, trying to soothe him a bit. "C'mere." he pulled Mark to him, holding him steady until his coughs finally died down. Mark was left out of breath, his head against Collins' chest.

"I'm…ok now." he said.

"You're freezing." he noted. He reached over and pulled Mark's blanket around him, trying to warm him up a bit.

Mark smiled.

"What would I do without you."

_Right now I don't want to imagine that…. _

"Shhh, just try and get some rest."

Within minutes Mark had fallen asleep. Collins sighed, things were getting worse. He didn't know how much longer Mark could take without Roger, and personally he feared it because he knew soon he'd have to leave and go back to work.

But he didn't want to think about that now.

_No day but today…._

_Angel, please help me take care of him. Help me save what little hope we have left. _

_**Author Notes: Ok lemme clear a few things up. This is NOT a Mark/Collins and it's not going to be a Mark/Roger. Haha I know I usually make my stories M/R but I wanted to write Mark and Roger as a friendship because I do believe that their relationship is just as strong this way. Plus I'm a little tired of killing of or writing off Mimi. XD!!! I also wanted to show the deeper side to Mark and Collins' friendship as well. Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you think! **_


	3. Phone Calls and Persistance

_**Author Notes: Ok a few messages to start out with… **_

_**No I have not forgotten about "All I Have is You", hopefully that will be the next thing I update. I'm just super into this story and I don't want to loose my inspiration for it. **_

_**Second, review replies…**_

_**Abby: Hehe I'm totally into M/R! Just felt like changing it up a bit. I'm glad you're into this!**_

_**Alllright enough of me blabbering. On to the fic!**_

The Breaking of the Dam

Chapter 3: Phone Calls and Persistance

Hours later, Collins found himself still on Mark's bed, with the blonde fast asleep in his arms. Collins was comfortable and admitted he enjoyed having someone in his arms at the moment, even if it was Mark. He really didn't feel like moving, even when the phone rang.

"Speeeak."

"Hey….Mark are you there? It's Roger…"

Collins' eyes widened as he, as gently as he could, pulled Mark off him and ran into the living room.

"I'm not sure whether I want to kill you or be grateful you're calling." he said picking up the phone.

"Collins? What are you doing there?"

"Taking care of Mark." he replied before he could stop himself.

"Mark? Why what's wrong with him?"

_Ooooh nothing. You just up and left and he's blaming himself and making himself sick. Other than that he's fine. _

"Just a cold."

Collins felt it best he not directly tell Roger the situation. He knew Mark would kill him for even telling Roger he was sick, but he knew only had about another week before he had to go back to school and teach kids that didn't even want to be at school in the first place. Somehow he had to coax Roger to come back.

"Oh, is he all right? Can I talk to him?"

"You sound awfully concerned for being on the other side of the country."

"He's still my best friend…" Roger muttered.

"Glad you still remember that. Look he's sleeping now, call back later if you really want to talk to him."

"Yeah I guess I will. Hey Collins?"

"Roger?"

"Look…about Halloween I'm….sorry. I shouldn't of acted that way, especially to you."

"Roger it's fine. I'll be ok."

_It's not me you should be worried about…._

"I know you will. You're strong Collins…"

"Roger how long are you gonna do this?"

"What?"

"You know what. This. This leaving thing. Roger I don't know what you think you're going to find out there, but there are people here who need you."

"Mimi doesn't need me. Collins she's better of with out me. Look I know what I'm doing."

_I wasn't talking about Mimi _

"Sure you do. "

_No use talking to him now. He's as stubborn as ever. _

"I'll call later I guess. Take care of yourself Tom, Mark too."

"I will. You too Rog."

_Well no success there. _

Collins sighed, slamming the phone down, angry at himself for not telling Roger the truth. Mark was sick. He needed to come home or he might loose more than just Mimi. But he knew these kind of things took time with Roger, he just didn't know how much time he had.

"Who was on the phone Collins?"

Collins' head shot up to see Mark standing in the doorway, looking groggy and dizzy.

"No one. You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine."

Collins knew he was lying,. He could tell he was still sick. His face was paler than normal but his cheeks were flushed, and he was having trouble holding himself up.

"Sure you are."

"No really. I'm feeling better. I'm gonna go take a shower. I have work soon…"

"Boy are you nuts? You can't work. Mark you can barley stand!"

"I can't afford to take another day off."

"Mark…"

"I'll be ok."

Ignoring all the warnings, Mark went and took a shower, Collins, meanwhile sat in the living, pondering on what to do. Once Mark's mind was made up there was no changing it, and Mark was indeed stubborn and usually pushed himself to the edge of his limits. The anarchist knew Mark's limits had already been pushed and he was still recovering from his recent breakdown and needed to rest. But Mark was determined. What could Collins do about that?

"I'm going. I'll be back later." Mark said a while later, coming out of his room, dressed and ready to go. Collins glanced over at him.

"You know I don't want you to go."

"I know, but it's ok now Col'. I'll be fine. I need to keep going."

"Of course you do, but if you're sick you need to rest. And you and I both know that you're sick."

"Please Collins I'll be fine. If I feel worse I'll come home."

"Fine." he replied, giving in. "But please come back or call me if you feel worse. I'll even come get you."

"Ok, deal." And Mark left. Collins ventured over to the fire escape and watched Mark walk down the street. It was going to be hard for him for a while, and until his time in Alphabet City ran out, Collins would continue to keep an eye on the filmmaker.

_Tine to find someone to keep an eye on him…._

_**Author Notes: Review please! **_


	4. Memories of What We've Lost

_**Author Notes: Once again I'm putting off my English paper to write fan fiction. Oh well. I enjoy this much more than I would my English paper. I literally just finished with chapter 3 and since I'm sitting in Starbucks with no internet (sad I work here and I don't get their internet free ;;) I figured I'd start on chapter 4. **_

_**I hope you all had a nice Halloween. I know I did. **_

****The Breaking of the Dam

Chapter 4: Memories of What We've Lost

Mark would never forget how he met Roger. It was his freshman year in high school and he had to admit he was feeling those freshman nerves. He knew next to no one, and he couldn't help but think he wasn't the most attractive person in the world. In fact, one would call poor Mark kind of nerdy. But he didn't care. He just wanted to get the first day of his freshman year over with. He strolled down the unfamiliar hallways, desperately searching for Maureen, when he spotted her. She was standing in front of a row of lockers and next to her was this taller boy wearing a leather jacket and jeans. He had short dirty blonde hair and green eyes, and he was smiling at Maureen.

'_Maureen and her bad boy stage….' _

"_Maureen!" he called to her. She looked up at him and smiled. _

"_Oh Mark! Come here I want you to meet someone." _

"_Mark Cohen, Roger Davis. Roger this is my friend Mark." _

"_Nice to meet you." Roger said smiling and extending his hand. Mark took it and smiled. _

"_Yeah you too." _

Not long after that Maureen and Roger were dating. It didn't bother Mark too much at the time because back then he didn't have a crush on Maureen. He and Roger were just friends then but as luck would have it, only a month after Maureen and Roger's relationship began, it ended. Lucky for Mark though, Roger not only ended a relationship, but he started a new one as well.

"_She's crazy." Roger commented. _

"_I know. But you gotta love her…she's just…unique I guess." Roger laughed. _

"_Unique fits. Bit of a drama queen…." _

"_More than a bit." _

"_You feel like doing anything? " _

"_Sure like what?" _

_  
Roger sighed and leaned back in his seat. _

"_I dunno, whatever." Mark smiled, laughing a bit. _

"_Whatever works for me."_

Roger, Mark and Maureen were best friends all through high school. Along the way they met Collins who was two years ahead of them and even when he graduated he attended the local community college because he didn't have the money to go away anywhere. One day though, the all planned on leaving the city and living their lives. If it was one thing they all had in common, it was the fact that they were all artists. Roger the musician, Mark the filmmaker, Maureen the actress and Collins the anarchist/philosopher. None of them were 'normal' they all were unconventional and unpredictable. What made them stand out from others, is that they did things their own way and lived for their dreams, not anyone else's. Even Mark whose parents constantly put him down for his choice in career, wanted nothing more than to live his dream as a filmmaker.

When they graduated high school, Mark, who'd been accepted into Brown, decided to give the whole college thing a try. Of course, one semester later he decided he hated it and came back. Roger was still there, he decided college wasn't for him and wanted to play his music. Maureen was also there, deciding college wasn't her thing as well, and was taking random voice classes and taking on any acting gig she could get. It was obvious that Scarsdale wasn't the place they were going to achieve their dreams, so it didn't surprise Mark when Roger came to him about his desperate plans to leave.

"_I can't stay here anymore" _

"_What?" _

"_I'm not getting anywhere Mark. None of us are. I say we leave right now." _

"_You can't be serious?" _

"_I am. Mark what are we accomplishing here? Come on. This is our dream. Let's go fulfill it." _

"_But what about Collins and Maureen? And your parents? What about our parents? How the hell are we gonna get there?"_

"_My car. Just leave, come on I know you can't stand your parents and I know mine won't care. I'll call Collins and Maureen and we'll leave tonight. With or without them. Come on Mark. You, me and the big city." _

"…_.Fine. I'll go home and pack. Call Maureen and Collins." _

"_Atta boy!" _

Mark went home and secretly began packing e very thing important to him as well as anything he figured he'd need in New York City. Roger called Collins who said he was ready to go, he also called Maureen who wasn't as prepared to leave as they were, and backed out. That night, Mark wrote a note to his parents and jumped into Rogers old car with him and Collins. By morning they were in New York City and before that day was over, they were in an old run down loft in on Ave B in East Village. No less than a week later did Maureen show up at their door, and months later so did Benny, Mark's old roommate from Brown. Their family had evolved and was now complete. Or so they thought, until years later when it all changed.

Through it all though, Mark and Roger had always been together. Even when Maureen and Mark dated and when Roger was with April, it was always Mark and Roger. So of course the sudden separation was hard for Mark. Suddenly he was without his best friend, possibly the only one who could truly say he knew Mark. They had become each others 'other half', they were brothers.

"_She dumped me for a woman! Another girl!"_

"_I knew there was something about Maureen I couldn't put my finger on…" _

"_Now is sooo not the time Roger." _

"_What? I was just saying…" _

"_Yeah well she still dumped me Roger!"_

"_I know."_

_Tears came to Marks eyes but he didn't let them fall. Only a few of them escaped his eyes when Roger walked up and wrapped his arms around him. Mark sighed and buried his head into Roger's chest. _

"_Sorry Mark…" _

"_It's ok…thanks." _

So many memories, and now look where he was. Staggering down the sidewalk, his vision blurry, his head spinning. His stomach felt sick and finally his dizziness took over and he was forced to sit down on a nearby bench.

_Ok Mark…this was dumb. Maybe Collins was right. _

Mark couldn't help it anymore, he laid down on the bench and curled himself up, shivering from the cold November air.

_Just a few minutes…I'll close my eyes and then keep going. I'll be all right….just a few minutes._

A few minutes never came, as Mark collapsed on the bench. No one seemed to care because to them, he was just another homeless man on the streets.

"You know I have to go back to school soon. I'm just asking for you to keep an eye on him. Check on him every now and then. It's nothing serious but you know he works too hard….he'll forget to eat unless someone reminds him."

"Sure no problem." Joanne replied smiling. "Everyone has been tense lately and no doubt Mark feels it too. Maureen and I will be sure to keep an eye on him."

"Thank you so much Joanne."

"Of course. So…any word from Roger?"

"Yeah he called. But it doesn't sound like he's coming back anytime soon. I guess we'll just wait and see."

"He's more hard headed than I thought."

Collins smiled.

"That's Roger. So you and Maureen ok this week?"

Joanne rolled her eyes, straightening out some papers on her desk.

"Yes we're fine. She's…changed I'll say. At least when it comes to our relationship. She's more committed to me. And right now that's all that matters."

"Well good. I'm glad for you two."

"And you? Are you doing all right?"

"Oh as fine as I can be."

"Collins…"

"I'm all right Jo, no worries here. Well I should go….let you get back to your work."

"No hurry, but I guess I'll catch up with you later?"

"Sure will. Thanks again Joanne."

Collins strolled out of Joanne's office and headed down the street back home. He felt a little more at ease now that Joanne had promised to keep an eye on Mark. Maybe things were looking up. Collins hoped so. Maybe their family wasn't completely dead yet.

He entered the loft and flopped down onto the couch. He'd begun to doze off until the phone ringing snapped him awake.

_We screen…._ he mused to himself.

"Speeeak!" Beep.

"Mark Cohen? Alexi Darling here! Also known as, your boss!! Where are you? You were supposed to be in work hours ago! If your still sick you at least have to call me! I can't afford to have you miss work with out explanation! You'd better call me before the end of the day or you'll be in big trouble! Buh bye now!"

Click.

…………..

_Oh…shit. _

_**Author Notes: Evil aren't I? Well review PLEASE! I'm not getting the same response I did when I started this so I'd really like to know what you think of this! **_


	5. Frozen

_**Author Notes: I know! I'm sorry! My lap top crashed and I had exams but now I'm on winter break so expect the continuous updates as before**_! 

The Breaking of the Dam

Chapter 5: Frozen

The air was stiff and dry, causing Collins' lungs to burn as he ran down the streets, searching down every alley and corner he passes in search of Mark. Ever since Alexi's message, Collins hadn't stopped looking, calling everyone he knew who might have seen Mark. When that failed he took to the streets.

_Mark I swear if you're dead I'll bring you back to life and kill you myself…_

It was so cold out it didn't surprise Collins that the streets were nearly empty, if Mark was out there then it shouldn't be too hard to spot him. He was so blinded by his fear of not finding Mark he ran straight into another person, almost knocking them down.

"Shit man watch were you're going!"

"Sorry man I didn't….oh."

Collins looked up, now seeing the person he had run into.

"You…you I know you. You're…Roger's old dealer…"

"That would be me. What's it to you?"

"Nothing at all. I have to go." Collins began to walk off until The Man called after him/

"Looking for that blonde boy?"

He stopped.

The Man grinned to himself.

"I saw him about two blocks down, on a bench looking pretty bad."

Collins merely nodded and began jogging down the block.

_Wonderful, he infects one of my friends and helps me find the other….I don't get that guy._

But all thoughts of The Man we're brushed from his mind as he began to focus on Mark's whereabouts. If the Man was correct, Mark should be only a short distance away.

_Please let him be near…_

"Mark!"

And there he was, curled up on bench, his face pale and his body shivering.

"Shit, that guy was right."

Mark did not look well at all, in fact he looked worse. Collins cursed himself for letting Mark think he could make it work today. He bent down and pressed his hand to Mark's cheek. It was so cold. Almost like ice. Collins felt a pang of fear in his stomach.

_Gotta get him outta here and back to the loft…_

"C'mon let's get you home."

He lifted the smaller boy into his arms, Mark unconsciously curled up into Collins' arms, searching for any kind of warmth.

"Roger…" he mumbled, his eyes drifting open.

"No man it's me. Collins."

Mark only nodded before his eyes slipped closed again.

Collins picked up his pace, almost jogging but not wanting to shake Mark too much. When he reached the loft, he set Mark down on the couch and gathered all the blankets and wrapped the thin boy in them. He lit some candles and closed the windows, in an attempt to warm the loft as much as possible.

_Gonna kill Benny for turning off the heat._

Collins could feel his heart racing as he did everything he possibly could to make Mark warm. He sighed, there was nothing more to do except wait.

_Fuuuck,. Dammit who know what would have happened if I hadn't found him. I can't believe this is happening. How can I leave him if this is going to happen? If he's going to be so sick and unable to care for himself how can I leave him?_

His eyes glanced up to the answering machine; the red light was blinking.

_Hm._

Collins stood and walked over to the answering machine and hit the button.

Beep!

"Hey….it's Roger."

_Oo two phone calls in 24 hours…a miracle_

"I was just calling to see how Mark was but I guess you're either sleeping or not home. I'll call back I guess."

_He really needs to come back…_

He heard Mark moan from the couch.

"Mark?"

He walked over and sure enough, Mark's eyes had opened. He looked disoriented but for the most part he looked better.

"You ok man?"

"Cold…" he managed to say, his voice hoarse.

"I'll make you some tea. Just get some rest."

Mark nodded.

Collins returned moments later with a steaming cup of tea. He helped Mark sit up and then brought the hot mug to Mark's chapped lips. The heat burned Mark's throat but he swallowed it down anyway, knowing he had to warm up.

"Better?" Collins asked.

Mark nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"I'll call your boss back…tell her you'll be out for a couple of days."

"Alexi called?"

Collins nodded and walked over to the phone.

"Hey I'm calling for Alexi Darling regarding Mark Cohen…"

While he mumbled into the phone, Collins glanced over to the calendar that was taped to the fridge.

_Only a few more days….Mark are you gonna be able to handle yourself?_

_**Author Notes: Ok, short chapter I know but I had to get it out of the way in order to continue it. I'll have more up soon since I now have more time. Please review!**_


	6. Facing my Failure

_**Author Notes: See my updates are getting faster? Lol enjoy…**_

The Breaking of the Dam

Chapter 6: Facing my Failure

He'd never felt more like a failure in his life, and he hid it well. As he lay on the couch, half listening to what Collins was saying to his boss, he drifted off into his own thoughts, that for Mark was a dangerous thing sometimes.

_I can't help feeling this way. I'm not strong like everyone says I am. I'm weak. I can't even make it to work without passing out. All this caused Collins to freak out and have to come look for me, god knows how he found me. And Alexi calling….damn it I could loose my job if Collins can't persuade her. How did I let myself get so pathetic? When did I fall this far?_

He remembered. It was when he went to Brown, it was when he moved to New York. Everything that happened after he left the sheltered life his parents had provided him with began to come alive in Mark's mind.

_I failed all my classes and dropped out of college, then I ran away to New York City with my best friends and tried to live the life of a filmmaker. I've tried my best but look where I've ended up? Barley paying my rent, almost all my friends are HIV positive, and I've completely sold out by working for Buzzline. I can't do this anymore. I can't support myself anymore but I have to for everyone else's sake._

_I can hear you Collins. You're leaving soon but you're scared to leave me behind. You don't want me to fade away. I don't blame you, after Angel…anymore loss in our small family would just…well I don't know how we would handle it._

_Roger you asshole. Come back…..your best friend needs you. For once in my life I'm weak and where are you?_

Tear slipped out of Mark's eyes as he curled up into a tight ball on the couch, leaving his cup of tea on the coffee table. Collins glanced up from the phone, muttering some more words before hanging up.

"Mark?"

Mark's body shook as his hand went into his pocket. His still cold fingers wrapped around a small, thin, plastic object. He pulled it out and held it to his chest as more tears consumed him.

Collins kneeled down to get a better look at the object, his heart skipped a beat when he did.

_One of Roger's guitar picks…._

"Shhh it's all right."

Mark cried himself to sleep, feeling Collins' hand running over his head as he drifted off.

**Where'd you go? I miss you so…**

The rest of the day flew for Mark, while for Collins it was like slow torture. He saw, watching Mark, making sure he was warm and stayed warm.

Riiing.

"Speak!"

"Collins you there? It's Maureen…."

"Hey Mo."

"Hey, I'm downstairs. Let me in?"

"Sure baby, hold on."

Collins hung up and walked over to the fire escape and tossed the key down to Maureen, who moments later walked through the door.

"How's he doing?" she asked, her voice low. It was very unlike her to seem so calm and concerned. Collins hadn't seen this side of her in a long time.

"Physically? He'll be ok. Mentally? It seems he's gotten worse. He cried himself to sleep…"

"Oh Marky…" she sighed, kneeling down before the blonde.

She glanced over and saw the guitar pick that was still in his hand. She smiled.

"You still have that…."

"What?" Collins asked.

"That old guitar pick. Roger gave it to him back in high school, just after we'd broken up."

"You and Mark?"

"No me and Roger."

"Oh,…damn that was a while ago, I'd almost forgotten about that."

"Yeah me too. That guitar pick means almost as much to Mark as his camera does. He'd die if anything happened to it. I guess he's missing Roger more than we realize."

"If its up there with his camera then I have no doubt it's important to him. Though I'd like to think Roger misses Mark as much as Mark does him."

"Me too."

_"Great gig Roger!" Mark said, smiling as he walked up to his best friend after another one of his gigs._

_"Thanks." Roger beamed, sweaty and still high off adrenaline._

_"So this whole thing with Maureen….you're ok right?"_

_"Didn't I tell you I was?"_

_"Yeah well…" Mark stuttered, unsure of what to say._

_"It's ok. She's a drama queen. Here."_

_"Hm?"_

_Mark stopped as Roger grabbed his hand and placed something in it. He opened his palm to reveal a black guitar pick._

_"But this is your…"_

_"Favorite one I know. I want you to keep it. Friends forever?"_

_Mark smiled._

_"Yeah, thank you Roger." Mark smiled and held the guitar pick to his heart, gripping it. He knew this was a symbol of his friendship with Roger. As long as he had this they would always be friends._

When Mark woke up, he felt the guitar pick still in his hand. He sniffled and stuck it back in his pocket. He groaned and stretched out on the couch. His bones cracked and his muscles were stiff. His eyelids were heavy and watery, his eyes hurt and he felt a headache coming on.

"Good, you're awake. I need to talk to you Mark…"

Mark glanced up at Collins.

"You're leaving aren't you?"

Collins was silent but his eyes spoke the words he didn't want to say. Mark nodded/

"Go. I'll be ok."

"How do I know that?"

"Just trust me. I'll be fine."

"I don't know about that…"

"Well you're going to have to. I'm not letting you give up that job for me."

"Ok.."

Mark nodded, and the last day he had with Collins in town continued and as Mark slept that night, Collins packed up what little he had in the loft and left. Leaving a note on the kitchen counter.

**_Mark, Take care of yourself. I'll be calling you everyday and I swear if you don't answer there will be problems. Take care, and don't worry, Roger will come back soon._**

**_- Collins_**

_**Author Notes: Review! Hope you enjoyed this chapter**_.


	7. author note please read

Wow it has been a while! I do apologize for not updating! Since I continue to receive reviews, it's obvious there is still some interest in this story so…I will pick it back up and continue it! Thanks for the continued support! Please be patient, I will update as soon as possible!

And guys PLEASE check my profile for updates. I do post what stories will be continued and which will not...you can also find my contact information if you would like to get a hold of me (regarding stories, ideas you may have for me or anything at all!)


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